So, I've had a vague notion rambling about in my head for several days now. I can't say that I've thought about it directly, because....well, it's a vague notion. As I think about it, I'm not even sure what sparked my reflection, it seems to have come out of the blue. But maybe I'm just saying that because it is officially a new year, and I'm trying desperately to avoid the cliched New Years reflection post. Anywho, as you can tell....I've been thinking, about stuff.
Mostly about why it is I'm trying to do what I'm trying to do. College, Ministry....seminary, and so on. I've started coming to a conclusion today and honestly I have a hard time picturing myself responding to my salvation differently. Although catholic school, half-hearted youth group participation, and several friends most definitely contributed to a foundation of understanding, I can't honestly point north, west, east or south and say with confidence "My belief came from there". I even believe differently now than I did then (I hope my belief is more informed). I just remember sitting on my bed, and bam.....out of nowhere I became a Christian. I didn't even know what that meant at the time, I just suspected it's truth.
The greatest things in my life; my faith, my marriage, my current job, and my daughter have all been unbidden intrusions into what I thought I wanted. I endeavor to make a career out of ministry because I can't reconcile how I was saved with doing anything else. I have received everything in such a way that it all calls me out to work towards it after it's been given to me.
But more than that, I am who I am. Not in the sense that I wont ever change, or can't step away from vocational ministry for practical reasons, but I shudder when I imagine having to do that...not out of fear, but what could be grief.
