PestilANTS!!!!

So I have a theory concerning the ants residing around the area of my apartment complex. I think they're actually trained in the arts of guerrilla warfare. They have clandestine, covert, and otherwise secret societies under my apartment where normal black ants are recruited and trained as Ninja warriors. A secret society of looters that supply what could be considered the Ho Chi Minh Trail of cookie crumbs. They have skillfully evaded my every attempt to destroy their kind. They eat poison and survive, and scout out Ant traps. Yes, they scout them out. I'm not crazy, I've watched an ant crawl to the entrance of a trap that would have wiped out their secret Ninja organization, a few quick passes with their highly sensitive feelers and he alerted the rest of his fellow ninja pirate Ants with his mind. HE ALERTED THEM TELEPATHICALLY. I'm not joking....the feelers went in the air and I could almost hear the caution go out "Exercise prudence concerning recent food presence, it is a trap. I repeat, THE FOOD IS POISON!!!"

I smell a plot! I think they're planning to execute an attack that will increase their bounty from mere crumbs to the whole cookie jars. Our pies and pastries are no longer safe! With such intricate training, what is man to do? I fear for the safety of my family, and that of my neighbors. What about Caelen, the two year old next door? Just this morning I intercepted plans for an all out assault! An attack, during which, the poor toddler will be abducted and brainwashed to think like them! From that point hence he will be spotted breaking into homes with a mass of ants trailing along behind him. With such enormous stores of food and the ability to enter homes with impunity I fear that a race of atomic super ants (such as the one pictured above) will be soon within their grasp. The armies of the world will have to join together to fight them off like an H.G Wells novel. What bleak times lie in our future. Only God can save us now!

Here's to you Mr. Robertson..Jesus loves you more than you must know.

I'm writing this because, disturbed as I was by Robertson's comments regarding the recent tragedy in Haiti, I am even more disturbed by the hostile response of many evangelical Christians. At some point we have have to recognize that Robertson's statement has absolutely no grounding in the Bible, and that he doesn't even reflect the majority of Christian opinion in America.

If our witness as a church is set so far back because of one man's poor tact in the face of tragedy, well then, I'm afraid our witness has been too weak to begin with. If somehow, in the ears of those who don't believe in Jesus, Robertson's statement seems to speak for all of us. Then it's only because we haven't spoken for ourselves enough. You see, our silence has made his voice louder.

Ironically, while we sit around and gnash our teeth over his statement over our specialty coffee drinks; Robertson's charity organization is headed to Haiti, or even digging through the rubble already.

Remember this, salvation is a spiritual thing, not a media driven popularity contest. Neither God's efficacy or power to save are deterred or lessened by Pat Robertson's media blunders. The church ought to challenge and exhort Robertson gently because it's God's kindness leads us to repentance. A man that has said so many weird things will have a lot to grieve over when his time comes. Lashing out at him now is a lot like whipping a starving person when he tries to steal bread. It's a mean and empty form of justice.

Late Night Reading

So, when I have a hard time sleeping I tend to get up and read news articles in the desperate hope that some bad journalist will lull my brain into a foggy stupor. Most people read the news and get stressed out, I read the news and both my brain and soul tend to go a little numb. Unless of course, it's news of a "fresh off the presses" Smashing Pumpkins song on their website. Seriously, they make their music available for free download on Smashing Pumpkins.com. Does it sound too good to be true? Yes, but thankfully it's still true in this case. Anyway after taking some Valerian root (those are sleeping pills for hippies...I'm in Oregon, give me a break) I get online and I run into this article. Go read it, then come back because I've got something to say.

Okay here's the deal, we all hate security lines in airports, and quite frankly the idea of a room full of security guards pouring over camera monitors creeps me out. But, I appreciate their efforts as I can still remember turning my t.v on just in time to say a plane crash into a freakin sky scraper. Is it weird that security guards still check this poor kid at airports? No, not really...maybe an addendum on the selectee list saying something like "By the way, the 8 yr old boy scout is clean" would be helpful, but that's one of the prices you pay for wanting to be discrete. Speaking of discretion in matters of security...I say boo! We could learn from India on that point. They put fully armed military personnel in Airport security. We're not talking glocks and a nightstick here. We're talking machine guns and body armor. It's an impressive thing to see.

We all get uppity when we hear about one person getting frisked "unnecessarily", but you have to remember that certain groups apparently like using commercial airliners as weapons. So, maybe give the TSA guy a break, he's just trying to keep you safe while the flight attendants overcharge you for you coca-cola. After all, the last time airport security decided to be nice to a guy it probably really ruined the trip for the Dutch man that had to tackle him before he set off a bomb in his underwear.