Devotional Dilemma

So I volunteered to deliver a devotional at this weeks men's prayer breakfast, and I realized that there is a slight problem. My devotional life sucks. It all came to me at once, but I realized that things haven't been quite the same since I came out to Montana 5 years ago. It's as if I've overused, or hyper-extended my external spiritual expressions to the point where I can't put weight on the sprain. Of course this isn't to say that I don't feel close to the Lord or anything else ridiculous like that, but I really just wanted to take the opportunity to pursue the notion of a sprained spiritual expression for the sake of those who may feel the same way from time to time. I've come to notice in the past few months that my Christianity, or my relationship with Jesus has taken an interesting shape over the past year. I see things in a different way than I ever would have anticipated. Definitely not going to be made into a precious moments figurine any time soon. I play my cards pretty close to my chest because I spent the majority of my time with people who: A: Don't understand the things of God. or B: Hate and deride any form of religious sentiment. What's interesting about it is that it has been really good for me. My lack of devotional zeal, and fatigue from work in a "Godless environment" have taken me back down to the cold hard basement of my faith. The concrete, and unalterable truths that, though I'd rather not pursue most of the time, chill my feet with an inescapably solid assurance of a real presence that I'll experience more of later. So, if you're in the same boat, I would exhort you to enjoy your time in the cut and dry period. Life (that is to say, Christ) will eventually lead you and I to far greener pastures, but until then I think it's better to dwell in a harsh reality than a fluffy lie.

Some Thoughts

I haven't written personally in a while now, because I've been busy. I've been busy and tired. Life is quite the force to reckon with sometimes. Especially when you aren't spending your time enjoyably. That is to say, that you aren't doing something you love. But then again, I think some aspects of maturity involve being able to prioritize things well in order to get to a better situation. Children want all good things to come at the same time, and our culture is very childish on that point. Billy Corgan (lead singer of the Smashing Pumpkins) said it best "Our culture is set on orgasm, and nobody is interested in the things that have led to a particular artist's greatest work, we just all want the best all the time." (that's a massive paraphrase incidentally). So before I head off to a job that I don't enjoy very much, and shut myself away from the sunshine and springtime for 7 hours.

Here's to the process!

Not the process from one job, house, or town to another. Not some social upgrade. But the process of Life. The grand winding Road that demands we follow. The Doors of opportunity that open and shut, closing whole realities behind them, and at the same time allowing other realities to blossom in all their' wonder or horror. Whatever happens, our final destination will so greatly over shadow the roads we've taken that it will seem as if it were all nothing. Shadows and dust scattered on the winds of eternity. One day, we will arrive home.

"The Trappist Cemetery-Gethsemani"

Brothers, the curving grasses and their daughers
will never print your praises:
The trees our sisters, in their summer dresses,
guard your fame in these green cradles:
The simple crosses are content to hide your characters.

Oh do not fear
the birds that bicker in the lonely belfry
will ever give away your legends.
Yet when the sun, exulting like a dying martyr,
canonizes, with his splendid fie, the sombre hills,
your graves all smile like little children,
and your wise crosses trust the mothering night
that folds them in the Sanctuary's wings.

You need not hear the momentary rumors of the road
where cities pass and vanish in a single car
filling the cut beside the mill
with roar and radio,
hurling the air into the wayside branches
leaving the leaves alive with panic.
See, the kind universe,
wheeling in love about the abbey steeple
lights up your sleepy nursery with stars.

~

God, in your bodily life,
untied the snares of anger and desire,
hid your flesh from envy by these country alters,
beneath these holy eaves where even sparrows have their houses.
But oh, how like the swallows and the chimney swifts
do your free souls in glory play!
And with cleaner flight,
keener, more graceful circles,
rarer, and finer arcs
then all these innocent attacks that skim our steeple!
How like these children of the summer evening
do your rejoicing spirits
deride the dry earth with their aviation!

But now the treble harps of night begin to play in the deep wood,
to praise your holy sleep,
and all the frogs along the creek
chant in the moony waters to the Queen of Peace.
And we, the mariners, and travelers,
the wide-eyed immigrants,
praying and sweating in our steerage cabins,
lie still and count with love the measured bells
that tell the deep-sea leagues until your harbor.

Already on this working earth you knew what nameless love
adorns the heart with peace by night,
hearing, adoring all the dark arrivals of eternity.
Oh, here on earth you knew what secret thirst
arming the mind with instinct,
answers the challenges of God with garrisons
of unified desire
and facing Him in His new wars
is slain at last in an exchange of lives.

Teach us, Cistercian Fathers, how to wear
silence, our humble armor.
Pray us a torrent of the seven spirits
that are our wine and stamina,
because your' work is not yet done.
But look: the valleys shine with promises,
every burning morning is a prophecy of Christ
coming to raise and vindicate
even our sorry flesh.

Then will your graves, Gethsemani, give up their angels,
return them to their souls to learn
the songs of attitude and glory.
Then will creation rise again like gold,
clean from the furnace of your litanies:
the beasts and trees shall share your resurrection,
and a new world be born from these green tombs.

~Thomas Merton

Simplicity

My wife and I were sitting on our porch Sunday evening, and we somehow got onto the topic of simplicity. Simplicity being something we both strive for it's not really so surprising that we would discuss it, but it was one of those spur of the moment deep conversations, and something we both have a lot to say about. I have to pause here to point out the humorous irony in having a lot to say about simplicity. Anywho, when most people think of simplicity thoughts automatically run to undecorated churches, and white washed pews. People praying throughout the day with monk-like devotion. It's a humorous perspective, but a dangerous one as well. To live simply one does not have to do away with their television, or computer, you don't have to don a monk's habit and spent the rest of your life contemplating the existential meaning of a dandelion. Nor should you attempt to withdraw from society and sit on a mountain top for the rest of your days. In the past few years I have come to realize that simplicity is found in the midst of the daily buzz of human activity.
When God created Adam he set him straight to the wonderful task of exploring Eden, and naming animals. When you think of it, naming all the animals in the world could be rather arduous, and here is where you ought to strip away the Disney-esque picture of God parading pachyderms, hippopotamuses, and giraffes in front of a giddy little boy who bounces up and down with excitement over the spectacle. Maybe Adam had to search these creatures out, and observe them prior to the naming. In any case, my point is that we as people were made to be active. Work is in our very nature. So how do we find simplicity in a world that is teeming with conflict, people, and jobs to be done? Single-mindedness might be the only way it is possible. Be singleminded in all that you do. Doubts and questions always arise to kick up dust in our minds. "Am I doing what God has called me to?' 'Is this benefitting the kingdom?' "Is the Lord pleased with my life?' These questions are always going to be answered yes and no all at the same time. Whether you are living in a tent in Africa translating the Bible to a tribal dialect, or working in an office in New York City. God is pleased with his son's imputed righteousness in your life, the sacrifice of the cross stretches through time and wraps our identity in his, and God is pleased. So don't worry so much about it, if you want to go to Africa...go to Africa. If that is where your' heart is, don't waste anymore time worrying about. Regardless of what you are doing, or where you are. Your' current location and activity is the primary concern of you, and of your sanctification. The main job in our lives as Christians falls into two catagories. Living our lives in the light of Godliness brought forth through the Gospel, and worshipping the Living God in word and deed; spirit, and truth. That is true simplicity.

Thoughts Regarding Studying the Bible

Over the last summer I decided that I wanted to be more theologically literate, so I asked three or four trusted friends/pastors and they all told me I should go through a Bible Dictionary to start with. I dove right in, and went through the Pentateuch, and kind of stalled out after that. There was a lot of stuff going on in my life (changing jobs and schedules and so forth) so it kind of fell to the background.
Well last week, I started to think about how much I had learned from those five short little articles, copying down the teaching outlines and reflecting on what I remember from the texts themselves. Compared to a seminarian or a Pastor my knowledge is pretty insignificant, but on a personal note there were many things regarding the Cross and the deity of Jesus that became crystal clear. I've picked my studies back up, and just finished Joshua yesterday. It was great to see the Israelites enter the Promised Land, and to know that even though they were finally delivered into Canaan, that there was still much to do. They still had to live out there lives as God's Chosen people, if anything, it was more difficult for them as a nation after they entered the land than it was before.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to encourage all my friends (Christian and non-Christian alike) to really read and think about the Bible. I know sometimes it's hard to pick it up and just read it, we all have things to do during our day. But what better occupation is there than to dwell on the Grace and sovereignty of God? Sometimes study seems like striving, like some sort of inorganic chore or task, and for most of us we struggle against things that don't feel "natural". But I think God would remind us all that what is natural to us is sin. That is to say that we are used to living our lives as if He weren't there. We might all do better with a little striving now and then. After all, the pursuit of God is active.

Musing

Over the past few weeks I've begun to grasp what it is to be a creation. That is to say that I have come to understand my finite-ness in a very different way. Rather than being frustrated by my lack of output (strictly in an artistic sense), I've been learning to appreciate the fact that, regardless of what I create, I am part of a greater story. It's as if I'm one strand being woven through a greater work, and what I might be tempted to call a loose end will one day wind it's way to a fitting destination. And, because of that wondrous notion (that I am a mere character questioning my author) I can look back on the recently past years of my life and find some sort of peace with them.

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
stand in the desert...Near them, on the sand,
half shrunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
and wrinkled lip, a sneer of cold command,
tell that it's sculptor well those passions read
which yet survived, stamped on these lifeless things,
the hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
the lone level sands stretch far away.
Ozymandias ~P.B Shelley